“Shelomo, you are so social.”
“Shelomo, you’re naturally confident.”
“Shelomo, you can go to any room filled with strangers and talk to anyone.”
I laugh every time someone says that.
Because I had to work extremely hard to develop confidence.
For the first eighteen years of my life, I didn’t kiss a single girl. I thought no girl would ever date me. I was short, small, talked funny, wasn’t athletic, didn’t have the best style, other kids always made fun of me, and I didn’t have money.
Why would a girl date someone like me?
It was in my head.
When I had my first kiss the summer before college, I felt like I was on top of the world. I would think to myself, “This is what it feels like to feel wanted by someone from the opposite sex.”
I still had no idea what I was doing. The next few years were a lot of trial and error. I made tons of mistakes in my relationships. One thing was sure, I have come a long way since I was in high school.
What changed between high school and college?
Was it my style? Was it the fact I was working out? Was it the fact I joined a fraternity?
Maybe some of those played into factor.
What I truly believed that changed was how I thought about myself. My mentality changed. I went from thinking that I wasn’t good enough to date anyone to know I am worthy of love.
Many of us think highly of other people, but we can’t think highly of ourselves. We make up excuses for why our crush doesn’t like us or why a specific relationship didn’t work out. We start listing out all our flaws.
What if we start listing out all the good things about ourselves? If we list out three positive characteristics that we like about ourselves, do you think our mentality will change?
YES, IT WILL!
It takes practice every day to develop confidence.
Confidence is the key, NOT cockiness. At the beginning of college, I was cocky. Why? Because I was starting to get attention from the opposite sex, and I thought I was better than everyone.
Cockiness is bragging and showing off while putting others down in the process.
Real confidence is believing highly of yourself, not showing off any arrogance, and building people up instead of tearing them down in the process. Confidence is unapologetically being yourself.
I am naturally a nice guy. I used to believe nice guys finish last for the longest time. I would hate the fact I was a nice guy. Later in life, I accepted it because it is one of my strong characteristics. It made me a strong communicator and leader. You can still be nice without being a pushover.
What lesson do I want you to take out of all this?
Don’t try so hard to get a boyfriend or girlfriend. Work on yourself first. Focus on developing real inner confidence and self-love for yourself. Focus on accomplishing your goals in school. Once you have developed enough confidence for yourself, take the leap. Ask other boys or girls out. If you get rejected, at least you have enough confidence not to let it bother you as much.
Be yourself, and eventually, you will attract the right person of the opposite sex. It may be in high school, or it may not be in high school. Having a boyfriend or girlfriend should never validate your self-worth.